alone*

Thursday, September 09, 2004

yohoho! here i`m back again...rite nw listenig to PIN GUAN ( ming ming hen ai ni) yupyupie tis is able to express all my feeling nw...but nt openly yet secretly....despite hw much i felt for u,all i could was to admirer u.. . . . . .

juz 4days ago,i called him. he thought mi everrything was infatuation.it`s too navie 4 mi to believe in such thing. but he said was rather ture,well it`s exactly e reality. > becoz he hav nt fell deep in luv wif sum1 yet unlike mi
u thought ur feeling 4 him was as deep as e ocean,
but as u look around e clock.
it was lyk as shallow as e baby pool....
tniking tt r heart for him was rong rong de,
but as tym goes by,
it was juz so dan,hao dan ,hen dan.........
althought wat u said to mi,it wun change my mind, juz a thought of u,a conversation wif u will b great...
yesterdae,shld i said it`s drama or fairy tale? hmm, i suppose it`s mor alikly to b drama??? went play bball nv expect him 2 smoke 4 2 times,it hurt, wana go 2wards to him n take cigar n threw it rite in e bin. but i`ve no gut yet to c him hurt himself,tis hurt even mor... all i did was to laugh to hinder my sorrow, not show my saddness in front of pp, nt ani1 or pp will tak u as a weakling n bully u...
u asked mi y did i cried yesterdae,no reply came upon mi... wondering in my mind, y did i alwaes hav 2 fall in luv wif smoker.one was enguff to hurt in e past, i did all my best to help alvin but tis tym,knowing wat failure i willl faced, i had no mor better ways to help u..being helpless...~they~ harm ur health, hurt those pp hu care for them n not realising tt it hurt mi mor than anithing,well, hurting mi ti them wasn`t seem as a little thingy to them...( i expected it).
u hav gt a fairy tale-like relationship but i hav a book of memoies of u including e thoughts of u as well as feeling... realising tt i`ve lost u once, missing u,keeping in mind were things tt i could do> nothing else...losing u make mi aware to treasure u but i hav nv hav u so had giv mi e right n choice 2 treasure u..
i thought u tt boy tt i chose to an qian was u... keeping u in mind always even i`m in relationship, memories nv fade.. u asked mi tried to tell tt guy...juz imagine wat u told mi luv was juz infatuation...tt`s y i chose an nian...pple went pass in my life telling mi nt to miss things out,tresure them... i hav nt had them so how to not miss them... how i hope to tell u yesterdae,wat i hid my feeling juz by calling u ~ brother~. cool huh? haiz... sorry...i did tt to hide my feeling. juz hope u treat mi as a true brother, i will b a gd lsitening ear for u juz there ,rite there at e mmt when u r down n helpless...
sorry to gif u up for another ger in e past... but i did learn my lessons frm there> e pain of losing sum1 u reali luv... in e past relationship, juz becoz i cherish tt guy too much,i gt hurt greatly in e end... so nw i reluncnt to cherish u, open my luv to u.... an qian require nth frm u...i expect nth frm u,replying my SMSES, answering my fone call, nt bothering mi for weeks unless i`m in net????
i thought i`m strong yet u said i`m a weakling...rather true bahz.i seldom shed my tears in front of pp,but my tears fall on u yesterdae. i expected tt but nv expected tt happen in front of u...i didn`t wan u 2 send hm,i feared my gastics pain will cause mor trouble for u. juz wan u to go hm as soon as possible so tt ur mum dun worry 4 u while i beared my gastics pain hm...
暗念得你，我不要求什么。
我只想见到你的笑容而不是悲伤。
我对你的念情有那么深，像大海那么深
而不希望因时间的关系像我的知识那样浅，好浅，很浅。。。

7:54 AM
alone* in the rain;

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Recently i was busy over my studies as well as nt having e tym to log onto tis entry. 2dae`s teacher dae,1st mus wish all chers happy cher day! : )
hMmmMM...ytd was quite a day fror mi coz i went out 16hrs.i went shop wid siow wen( my gd fren),go study as well, went onto e rain.. opss! todae is oso her birthdae! siow wen! happy birthdae!: )
2dae ive been thinking of sum1 4 e whole dae after i met her mum... she was my ex sch fren> heavenly gd fren> lin yao. i saw her mum n she told mi tt ytd she had a yalk wif lin yao n she was told tt lin yao had make a new fren who has an alike character of mine.she is now in canada,making new frens,having new frens day by day,till nw,she still remb mi,my character n my name... i open my book of merories of hers in my mind. it was so beautiful n complete, but when i read thr them,i came into blank page... wondering will there will animor pages of mermories to b wriiten on it? u`re nw so far away frm mi,yet u seem so near to mi, ur smile,e way u blink ur eyes.... how i wish we`r together eating.. My characters,over e years i `ve changed. in ur mind,i still remain as two yrs ago... but in reality, `now`,i `ve changed,onli fear tt u cant accept mi ..fate n reality have us far apart...hw i wish i could hear ur voice nw.. so bright n clear...

11:50 AM
alone* in the rain;